Emotion: The Beginning, Middle and Ending
From Reclaiming Beauty Team Member Jody Montrie
Without exception, humans from all walks of life experience emotions and feelings. Whether it’s joy, sadness, anger, love, anxiety, or envy, emotions move through us as we experience the world. While often used synonymously, emotions and feelings are different, though complementary, experiences. Emotions are a collection of physiological responses in the body triggered by internal or external events. This includes changes in our heart rate, breathing, or muscle tension. Feelings are our private, mental experiences of our emotions and are influenced by our perceptions, biases, and misconceptions. While emotions are often intense, short-lived reactions and can be publicly observable (shaky hands, tears, or fast breathing), our feelings are more prolonged and are an internal, nonpublic experience (Damasio, 1999).
Early Feedback
In our human experience, soon after birth, we begin to receive feedback from the world around us. This feedback often includes messages, either implicit or explicit, which categorize emotions and feelings as positive, neutral, or negative. Often this feedback, however subtle, comes in the form of how others react to our expression of this emotion. As we learn which emotions elicit a negative response and which a positive response we begin to internalize messaging that certain emotions are good and others are bad and therefore wrong to have. This largely unconscious belief can influence us to turn away from or ignore uncomfortable or difficult feelings in pursuit of the more sought-after positive feedback.
Adolescence and Emotional Intensity
As we grow into our adolescent years and Erickson’s stage of identity vs role confusion, we experience increased emotional intensity, our need for acceptance and belonging increases and we develop a heightened awareness of others (Siegel, 2014). The juxtaposition of these changes can create the defensive strategy of further minimizing emotions so as to avoid potential or perceived judgment from others. Additionally, the “move on”, “get over it”, and “toughen up” mentality of our culture often adds to the repression of our emotional experience. This stifling of our inner voice does not mean the underlying needs are no longer there or do not need attention; on the contrary, often our needs become more insistent and our reaction to the stimuli becomes more intense. In an effort to mitigate the discomfort of our emotions and feelings, we may turn to other behaviors as a distraction or to overcome the experiences. Substance use, food restriction, binging, excessive working, over-exercise, and compulsive shopping are a few examples of behaviors that are an attempt to feel better but ultimately do not address the underlying need. In fact, they are often destructive in the long run. As Vincent Felitti said, “It’s hard to get enough of something that almost works.”
Emotions=Feedback
In truth, all emotions and our subsequent feelings are simply feedback for how we are doing in relation to our experience of the world around us. As we try to make sense of our experience, we are often unaware of the cause of an emotion and cannot willfully control emotion; we may be able to discern possible causes but cannot be certain (Damasio, 1999). This leaves us with the task, not to necessarily figure out the why or how but rather to understand what it is we need. The body does talk to us and we have to figure out how to listen. Elizabeth Gilbert says it well in her Instagram reel about allowing all the parts to have a voice but not necessarily controlling the story. When we move toward emotion, rather than away from it, we can alleviate suffering. Paying attention to our internal experience with curiosity and awareness can help us bring emotions to a conscious level, providing opportunities to explore and connect with our deeper wants and needs. Research indicates there are actions that can help us communicate safety to our body, release the stress-energy in the body, and regulate our nervous system. In their book, Burnout, Nagoski and Nagoski (2020) list the following as possible strategies:
Paying attention to the cycle of our breath
Positive social interaction
Genuine deep laughter
Affection: An example would be a 20-second hug to release the hormone oxytocin
Deep releasing cry
Creative expression in which we engage our imagination
Understanding What We Need
While emotions can be intense, uncomfortable, and draining, they are an opportunity to understand and make sense of what we need, whether it’s connection/belonging, validation, safety/security, esteem, or spontaneity/play to name a few. In the pursuit of being our best selves, we can bravely ride the waves of emotional experience. Knowing that these emotions are temporary, we can attune to the messaging our body is so wisely trying to provide and know that in our shared human experience, we are all seeking to be understood. Let us start by understanding ourselves- exploring and reaching to complete our needs.
If you want to learn more about how our therapists at Reclaiming Beauty can help you regulate your nervous system, we’d love to hear from you.
From Reclaiming Beauty Team Member Jody Montrie, MA, LCMHC-S
Providing therapy to teens with evidence-based practice and genuine understanding
Ready to unravel your emotions?
At Reclaiming Beauty, we're here to help you on this journey. Our compassionate therapists are dedicated to providing a safe and understanding space for you to explore your emotions and feelings. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward a more emotionally balanced and fulfilling life.
Schedule a consultation with us here so we can get to know your story.
Explore your emotions and feelings in a safe, supportive space.
Other Services We Offer in Asheville, NC
Discover a holistic approach to well-being at Reclaiming Beauty. In addition to eating disorder therapy and teen eating disorder therapy, we offer personalized embodiment coaching to unlock the wisdom within, fostering self-compassion and resilience. Or, explore the transformative benefits of the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP). This is a non-invasive auditory intervention that enhances social engagement and reduces stress.
References
Damasio, A. (1999). The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness. Harvest/Harcourt, Inc.
Mohamed.bourezgui. (2024, April 10). Allowing all the parts of ourselves to have a voice. [Video]. Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5lMr3aN4wr/?igsh=MTZucnpqbnM4b3VnZA%3D%3D
Nagoski, A. & Nagoski, E. (2020). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books.
Seigel, D.J. (2014). Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. Tarcher/Penguin.
