Tag Archives: beauty

Reclaiming Beauty Queen

4 Nov

Beauty Found Collage Card (2011)

Last week we finished up the Fall 2011 Reclaiming Beauty Playshop with a ritual designed to share our Beauty Found stories and commit to self-compassion (being our own Inner Mother). It felt good to come around full circle from our explorations of Original Beauty and Beauty Lost. In honor of Kore’s (and our own) transformation to Persephone, Queen of the Underworld, we ate pomegranate seeds and celebrated the gifts of the Underworld.

I loved engaging in the process with this group. My Beauty Found card incorporated an image of the Queen of Wands from the Thoth Tarot deck. The Queen of Wands represents mastery of Self-Knowledge. Here is what Angeles Arrien says about this symbol in The Tarot Handbook:

The Queen of Wands is the knower of the Self. This symbol represents self-mastery and the process of self-reclamation. Her process of transformation and self-actualization can best be described by the story she represents of a woman who, before she knew who she was, had black hair and walked with a panther by her side. As she began to discover more of who she was, her hair turned brown and the panther changed to a leopard. When she fully realized who she was and began to manifest who she was in the world with her pine cone wand, her hair turned fiery red. At this stage of self-knowledge, she pinched the growth marks of the leopard to prevent it from transforming into a beautiful lion that would have matched her self-knowledge because she wanted a reminder of the dark places from whence she had come (the spots of the leopard). This myth represents the process of self-discovery and the splendor of awakening to the deepest essence of who we are (the radiant crown).

I firmly believe that my time in the Underworld led me to the person I am today. I love how this card honors the dark places we have been in our lives as the fuel for awakening to our essence – a process that for me represents reclaiming connection with our beauty. Included in my image are the words “beautiful strength” to represent the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual strength that is a part of my beauty. I also included a reminder to “be satisfied.” From my study of the Enneagram and learning about my Enneatype, Type 4, the Individualist, I have been able to cultivate mindfulness of the habit of my mind of looking for what is missing. This focus of attention ultimately leads me to dissatisfaction and depression. Through a practice of shifting the focus to the blessings of what is in front of me everyday (without abandoning skills in getting my needs met), I have been able to challenge the perceived emptiness of dissatisfaction. Yay! for self-knowledge to help emancipate (myself) from mental slavery  and celebrate the beauty surrounding me in my life.

I also included the Om symbol to represent the role of my yoga practice in my healing journey.

A shout out to other factors that continue to lead me to Beauty Found:

my husband, son, sisters, parents, friends who mirror my true Self qualities back to me every day ~ making meaning out of my struggles by being a light for others ~ forgiveness of myself and others ~ music ~ the beauty of nature ~ creativity ~ moving towards better health everyday ~ love

What are the “spots of the leopard” in your life that have led you to deeper Self-Knowledge? What/who do you want to honor that has helped lead you on a journey of reclaiming a sense of your own beauty? Create your own Beauty Found collage card and share it with us!

I hope that you will consider joining a Reclaiming Beauty Playshop in the future. The next one will most likely start in February 2012. Stay connected through this blog, on facebook, or through subscribing to the newsletter to keep updated of the latest offerings.

I honor the beauty in you from the beauty in me,

~ Heidi

Remembering Original Beauty

7 Oct

Beauty Lost Collage Card (2011)

The Fall 2011 Reclaiming Beauty Playshop is going strong! This session we are using the myth of Demeter and Persephone to explore Beauty Lost/Beauty Found through Persephone’s fall into the Underworld and eventual rising up as its Queen. We recently did an expressive arts exercise using Collage Cards. One card was to depict our personal fall into the Underworld – our Beauty Lost. The second card was to depict our essence before the fall – the beauty that was part of our childhood innocence – our Original Beauty.

I was glad to have engaged in this process with the group as it helped me deepen my understanding of my own Reclaiming Beauty process. The original Beauty Lost exploratory questions include: “When did you stop singing?” For me, that question goes straight to the heart of my journey because as a musician/songwriter that is exactly what happened to me from losing a sense of my own beauty – I stopped writing songs, stopped playing my guitar, stopped singing. As I depicted in my Collage Card, silence was a way to avoid the pain of the grief, sorrow and suffering from my life experiences.

In 2006, when I was first exploring the Beauty Lost questions, I wrote the following in my journal which I titled “Reclamation Proclamation.” (always have had a flair for the dramatic – it’s part of my original beauty!)

My essence is orange. I know it is. Fiery orange, yellow, red, swirling with aliveness. These questions, even just speaking them, make me feel a sadness in my heart. I think of my dad, my family having breakfast in Rhode Island, during a time where I was feeling very disconnected from who I was. He was looking over at the young girl, about 5 years old, at the table next to us. She was on the edge of her seat, eating voraciously, she could barely sit still she was so in awe of the delight of life. She would let out one burst of glee after another. And my Dad, looked over at this little girl, and looks at me, and says, ‘Heidi, she’s just like you were at that age…’ And tears filled my eyes because at that moment I remembered who I was, and how disconnected I felt from that being inside my heart… I can feel so deeply, and for years I was consumed with only melancholy. A heart-breaking thing, then,  to be reminded of who you truly are, a delight-filled being of joy. The 20′s were a journey for me, and I know at what point in my life I stopped singing. And forgiveness of myself and others will free that delight and creativity. And my baby, by my side, opening myself back up to the flow of creativity that is who I am when I am at my best – the Princess of Wands with the wisdom of the Queen of Wands – that is my what’s happening now. Oh little Heidi… you are still a part of me, and the wisdom of my 30′s, and the groundedness, will be the synthesis, the integration, the Art of my being. 

Original Beauty Collage Card (2011)

my essence is fire, delight filled, delight full, oh… please come out and play

thank you for seeing me, dad, helping me to be and to remember

thank you to yoga for reconnecting me to delight every day

even if you can’t hear it, my heart still sings its’ love songs to life

(2/22/06 – age 30)

What are your experiences with remembering/reconnecting to your Original Beauty? Please comment to join the conversation.

Try the Collage Card process: Beauty Lost and Original Beauty. Then please share them with the Reclaiming Beauty community!

I leave you with a wish/a prayer that my Mom offered me in my Senior Yearbook -

May there always be a song in your heart,

~ Heidi

SPARKLE = POWER

9 Sep

Image: Thoth Crowley Tarot

In a recent session with my creative mentor, Heather Bleasdell, I received my latest wake-up call. I had entered the session planning on discussing the current developments with the Reclaiming Beauty Playshop. However, before I could bring up this topic, Heather went straight to the core issue. She asked, “What’s going on with your body?” With an inner grumble of knowing that she was right on with this question, I told her about the recent flare up and spread of a skin condition that I have had on and off for the past five years (psoriasis). I shared with her how the struggle with psoriasis has been an issue in my beauty walk because I feel it is an external mark for the world to see that I am not healthy – a mark that diminishes my sparkle. As she was compassionately grilling me about the need for me to take responsibility for my health in order for the change I desire to occur, she made this statement that kind of blew my mind: SPARKLE = POWER. It wasn’t the psoriasis that was diminishing my sparkle, but rather my disempowered approach to my health and my healing.  Gotta love that Heather.

This exchange was perfect timing for me as I am coming up on my birthday (Yay!) which for me heralds movement into a new Growth Cycle in the tarot: my Hanged Man year. (Good-bye Strength/Lustre year – I loved every minute!) The Hanged Man is an archetype representing the principle of surrender and breaking old patterns. The symbols on this card are very fascinating to me. The upside down man is making an upside down number four with his legs. In the tarot, the number four is the Emperor: the principle of personal power and leadership. The Egyptian Ankh (the reversed cross holding the foot of the Hanged Man) is a symbol of unlimited life force, constantly accessible for creative use. Another symbol of the potential for transformation, the snake, is found on the card as the coil  from which the man is hanging as well as encased below the crown of his head. All of these symbols tell the story of the power available to a person who is willing to break free from destructive and limiting patterns.

This card teaches that we can access our ability to transform our limitations into power/sparkle by getting new perspectives on old stuck patterns and sacrificing the needs of the ego which no longer serve us. Angeles Arrien explains it in this way, “The Hanged Man reminds us that our “hang-ups” can either prevent growth and evolution or they can serve to teach us where we need to free ourselves from undue self-imposed limitations. It reveals the part of ourselves that is willing to love ourselves enough to break limiting and destructive patterns within our personality.”

Image: Osho Zen Tarot

I love the Osho Zen Tarot deck’s image and interpretation of the Hanged Man symbol which it names “New Vision.” The figure on the card is dancing a wild dance of freedom from her stuck patterns. She has a newly accessed ability to see life and it’s challenges with fresh eyes. The image beautifully captures what the Hanged Man year offers if one chooses to accept the challenge, to answer its wake-up call. I want that freedom dance.

Soon after this session with Heather I did a 3 card reading for myself asking the question, “What do I need to focus on as I move into my Hanged Man year?”  Enter reinforcement of what needs to happen this year…

Nature of the Situation: XIII. Death/Rebirth – highlighting the surrender and letting go aspect of the Hanged Man – as anyone who has worked on making changes for their health knows, it is a grieving process to let go of those unhealthy coping behaviors, yet this grieving process is necessary for a rebirth to occur

Action Needed: Three of Swords: Sorrow – highlighting the need to release sorrow held in the mind – sorrow that influences my issues with being stuck and staying in old patterns and behavior choices that have a negative impact on my health – challenge my head tripping

Outcome: Four of Disks: Power – Yep, I hear you, Universe.

I would love to hear how other people are working with breaking free of stuck patterns to access their sparkle/power. Please comment if you feel inspired.

Break on through to the other side,

~ Heidi

Hello Gorgeous

19 Aug hello gorgeous

One morning last week, as I awoke and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, the first thing I saw was my 2 year old son’s beautiful face. The first thing I heard was his sweet little voice saying, “Hello, gorgeous!”

What a way to wake up.

Of course, this morning salutation did not come out of nowhere – it is what I say to him every morning – but I will take it as a greeting any day. It is so important to have our beauty mirrored to us in all of its manifestations. Greet someone you love with “Hello, gorgeous!” today.

I was able to record this short video clip of my little charmer…

I hope you will enjoy this dose of love from Joey.

xoxoxox

Walk in Beauty

31 Mar

Four years ago I was working very comfortably as a Qualified Professional for Appalachian Counseling doing case management and brief therapy for people with mental health issues. I was good at what I did and it came easy for me. The owner of Appalachian Counseling, Jane Ferguson, had just opened a new residential treatment center for women with eating disorders in Brevard – Tapestry. She was looking to hire a new therapist for Tapestry and out of the blue called me and asked if I would be interested in interviewing.  At first, to myself, I said an immediate ‘H*** no!’ I had some experience working with this population and knew that the issues they faced were very close to home to my own challenges. I also knew I had a lot to learn in order to help these women in an effective way. Luckily, I kept that ‘H*** no!’ to myself. I went home and talked over this opportunity with my husband. He made an excellent point… how often does a person receive a call like this one, a call to take the next step in their professional and personal journey? I felt honored that Jane saw some potential in me that I had not recognized myself. I heard the call and accepted the challenge and have been working for Tapestry ever since.

Over the last four years I have come to see my work at Tapestry as Feminist Activism. I work to help empower women, one at a time, by planting seeds to free them from their struggles with food and body image. In the recovery process, it is often said that body image is the last and hardest thing to shift. This makes sense because in our current society it is truly a radical practice for women to reject the physical “ideals” that are being sold to us. More and more I am seeing that external struggles with body image are playing out internal struggles with how a person values oneself. Body image can shift as a person begins to connect to and embrace their authentic Self and live from that place. In the process of helping people heal their food and body issues, I feel grateful for the opportunity to serve as a midwife for the true Self.

Throughout my process, I have been interested in the concept of beauty and how a woman can reclaim her own beauty. A clue that beauty was an important aspect of what drew me to this work was offered to me the very first Family Weekend I was involved in at Tapestry. During this weekend, the father of one of the residents, a man who had some Native American heritage, shared a poem that intrigued me. It was the following traditional Navajo prayer:

In beauty may I walk

All day long may I walk

With beauty before me may I walk

With beauty behind me may I walk

With beauty above me may I walk

With beauty all around me may I walk

Walk in beauty

Walk in beauty

Sensing the deeply spiritual understanding of beauty held by the Navajo Indians, I wanted to learn more about this prayer. My research efforts on the internet proved to be less than satisfyng. I learned of a ceremony called the Beautyway in which the Navajo participate to regain a sense of Beauty, Balance and Harmony. I would really love to know more about this ceremony first hand so if anyone reading this post could connect me to someone who might have more information I would be so thrilled. I did see the following definition: The concept ‘to walk in beauty’ is the process of being connected to one’s true Self – the Soul self. This definition resonates with my own understanding of what makes a person beautiful. Through the process of gaining Self-Knowledge, I have worked to connect to and embody my own sense of beauty, so naturally this is what I value in the work I do as a counselor.

Self-knowledge seems to be the thread that connects my various interests and obsessions. Counseling, yoga, songwriting, expressive arts, the enneagram, tarot, astrology, internal family systems, my relationships – all are tools for gaining deeper Self-knowledge and therefore gaining a deeper sense of one’s beauty. In my own Beauty walk, it is time to further my exploration into beauty with the Reclaiming Beauty Playshop. I am excited to be starting a 6 week Reclaiming Beauty pilot group. I have invited some friends to join me in experimenting with the reclaiming beauty ideas. I look forward to deepening this exploration and sharing it with others.

What is your definition of beauty? Is it wide enough to include your Self? In what ways do you embody your Self-knowledge and therefore your beauty?

I will leave you with a beauty way perspective on the Buddhist Loving Kindness Meditation offered from one of my yoga teachers, John Friend, creator of Anusara Yoga:

May all beings, including myself, be free from pain and suffering

May we all awaken to the essential goodness and beauty that shines in our hearts

I honor the beauty within you from the beauty within me

Walk in beauty

Image: Anahata Katkin

Strength/Lustre in 2010

20 Feb

One of my personal tools for growth and exploration is the tarot deck, and I have been studying tarot cards since I bought my first deck on Union Street in San Francisco in 1999. My current Growth Cycle Card for the year 2010 is number 11, Strength/Lustre. According to Angeles Arrien’s The Tarot Handbook, the following is what 2010 has in store for me:

Return of wonder, awe, passion, vitality and excitement! Demonstration of creative and physical strength. Attraction to creative, passionate people. The capacity to utilize all of one’s multi-faceted talents into one area. Passion for some form of creativity. Strong internal center is developed. Important Leo people in one’s life. Symbol for theater; one who is gifted in playing many different parts/roles well. Overcoming the “beasts” within; strong trust in self is developed.
 

Oooooohhhh! Sounds juicy. As I have been sitting with this symbol, I have noticed many synchronicities with the current developments in my life.  Of course the first obvious one is spending time with important Leo people… my little baby, Joseph, is already quite the expressive Leo. I also have found a fulfilling creative synthesis of my interests and skills in motherhood and in my work as a counselor. I feel renewed inspiration to bring to fruition some of the creative projects that have been percolating in my mind the past few years. And this inspiration has been fueled by the opportunity to collaborate with some creative and passionate people.

So, what does this all mean… It is very likely that this will be the year the Reclaiming Beauty Project becomes more than just a notebook in my office!

The work of the Strength/ Lustre card centers on the archetype of Beauty and the Beast. It reminds us to use our beauty- our unique gifts, talents and resources- to tame and reign the beasts within our nature. I can’t help but get excited about how this card reflects my ideas for the Reclaiming Beauty Project. One of the project’s intentions is to broaden participants’ definition of beauty to include themselves. We will do this by challenging our culture’s narrow definition of beauty and connecting participants to their inner uniqueness. The beast of negative body image and low self-image will be tamed by the participants’ own beauty.

Another aspect of this journey is Strength. Arrien states, “We cannot be in our lustre, our radiance, if we are not also in our strength.”  At the heart of the Reclaiming Beauty Project is the belief that joyful, positive experiences in our body give us direct access to our Self. Embodied movement is incorporated into each session with the hopes that participants will develop a personal practice of movement in their life. Strengthening our relationship to our body, we strengthen our relationship to our life. And then we shine, shine, shine…

With it being my Strength/Lustre year, I imagine I will be having a parallel process of Reclaiming Beauty in my life. I am excited to see what is in store for me… what beasts will be tamed. Of course, knowing me, I do like to keep a few untamed beasts around…

For the project, I will be partnering with the inspired Katherine Dowdney of Blissful Body. We hope to start the first group of women on this journey in the spring. Stay tuned for further developments and information on how you can be involved.

Shine on!