Did you ever wonder how a Reclaiming Beauty Queen like myself would fill out the ‘body type’ question on an online dating profile? Well, here you go!
Open letter to the OkCupid community,
So, yes, I have not been straightforward about these “body type” questions. Diving into this whole online dating experience, I find this aspect of the process the most challenging… feeling vulnerable about that initial judgment of my appearance. I am not immune to this practice. I definitely have a body type that I am attracted to… I would like a man who is active in his body, is taller than me, strong, and in whose arms I can feel embraced. I am sexy, I want a sexy man, and that is what is sexy to me. I do not feel a need to apologize for my preferences and do not ask you to, either. But since this question, in particular, is a part of my work as a self-declared champion for women reclaiming beauty, and also has been part of the reason I am on OkCupid in the first place, I feel the need to elaborate beyond the drop down box. So, here it goes.
First of all, I respectfully request OkCupid to add “Temple for my Spirit” as an option in the drop down box, and if you think this is more than a little corny, you are not for me. Of the available options, ‘Temple for my Spirit’ is what I would click.
As for the provided options:
Rather Not Say – Well, I am saying it now
Thin – No
Overweight – According to the BMI, but I do not 100% believe in the BMI because a tall, large-breasted, athletic woman like myself shows up as “overweight” at a much lighter weight than she should otherwise since there is no accounting for variation in bone structure or percentage of muscle, which is heavier than fat. This aspect of the BMI perpetuates women’s dissatisfaction with their bodies and gives healthcare providers inaccurate fuel towards a woman placing the focus on unrealistic weight guidelines rather than her health. I would prefer “Healthy weight for your height” and then this one I would click.
Skinny – no
Average – No… and who wants to be considered average?!? The variation in body type and our unique response of attraction and desire to each is what is yummy about this “body type” question in the first place. If you see yourself as “average” and clicked average, you are not for me.
Fit – Yes. I can navigate my way through a Bikram Yoga class 3 times a week. Go take a class now and then tell me if you think that is fit. I hike, bike, actively play with my 3 year old son and garden. I can do a handstand at the wall. I can run at least a mile on any given day without working on it, and can build up to running long distances pretty quickly when I am focusing on that type of fitness.
Athletic – Yes. Bikram yoga is athletic. I have STRONG legs that could probably kick your ass if you piss me off. I played soccer and ran throughout my formative years and my legs are athletic. I love how strong they are. I love that they are my physical and metaphorical grounding cord.
Jacked – Not interested in being jacked. Not attracted to jacked, if you clicked this one. Jacked often suggests vanity, but hey, feel free to argue with me on this one. Jacked also often suggests an over development of the masculine principle in both men and women, and if you clicked this one and want to talk about finding balance with the feminine principle, I can provide some referrals!
A Little Extra – My belly, yes. My breasts, yes. But hey, you might like this feature. I have had a child, and I have a soft, rounded belly with stretch marks and a scar I am proud of and value for the story they tell. These are vulnerable parts of myself, parts for which I seek my own approval. I would especially appreciate a person who has an appreciation for these aspects of my body type. I feel that is what we are all on here longing for anyway… finding a person who appreciates the vulnerable parts of ourselves. Therein lies the metaphor of the ‘body type’ question.
Curvy – Yes. And proud. I am a woman, after all.
Full-Figured – Top half.
Used Up – Never.
I promise I am not this fiery about everything… I am actually a real sweetheart. But what I am passionate about, I am passionate about, and bodies are at the top of the list.
With sweet fire,
If you feel inspired, please share in the comments below how you would respond to the ‘body type’question!