1000 Days to the Perfect Marriage

Self Honeymoon in La Fotuna, Costa Rica

Self Honeymoon in La Fortuna, Costa Rica

This is the story of a courageous journey that began about 1000 days ago, when I realized my husband would never full love me, because I didn’t fully love me. On that day, I stepped onto an unmarked path, hoping to reclaim lost parts of myself from attempting to seek the approval of my husband. I began my Reclaiming Beauty journey.

My older sister told me it took 1000 days to heal from a divorce, and during those 1000 days, I went on a journey from feeling the violent dividing by force from another, to a falling in love with myself. Discovering the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine parts of myself, these parts found balance and harmony, and ultimately, union within myself.

This journey was not easy, and led me through some dark places. One of the scariest places was the realization that I had some inner work to do in order to be fully aligned with the Reclaiming Beauty message of self-love and body love.  Shining a light inside, I realized I carried some buried judgments about my body and myself I had to heal in order to be in full integrity as a messenger of Walking in Beauty.


+ It began with COURAGE, LETTING GO and HEALING. It requires summoning courage over and over again to face life experiences that lead to disconnection from our beauty, to LET GO of these experiences and to HEAL. During this stage, the heart stays opens when you allow yourself to fully grieve the losses.

+ During the next stage I shifted into fearlessly seeking SELF-APPROVAL. In this process, I regained my POWER through self-approval. I learned to notice all the places where I was giving away my power through seeking the approval of others, and began taking this power back. A place where I found the most healing with this skill was in working with Rick Hanson’s, definition of the word VIRTUE:

Virtue simply involves regulating your actions, words, and thoughts to create benefits rather than harms for yourself and others.

+ RECLAIMING MY NAME – When my divorce was finalized, I moved through some anger in the grieving process. Anger is an essential emotion to honor in any grieving process to set boundaries, honor boundary crossings and to support severing the ties. Through the process of changing my name back I nicknamed myself  Heidi Lynn “Hot Lava” Andersen, in honor of the volcano images that supported my anger. Luckily, there was only one or two Jerry Springer worthy episodes in this part of the process between my ex-husband and myself, due to my VIRTUE practice and seeking my own approval through regulating.

+ COOLING DOWN WITH FORGIVENESS – Thanks to the timely discovery of Hóponopono, an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation, I was able to cool down the erupting volcano with FORGIVENESS practices – towards my ex-husband, myself, and my body.  At the end of this season, I wrote my ex-husband a love letter, genuinely thanking him for the lessons the marriage offered me to support my growth process. I also thanked him for the greatest blessing of our marriage, our beautiful son.


In Bikram yoga, a practice that has supported my healing process these 1000 days, the teachers reference “the perfect marriage between the heart and lungs” every time we practice Triangle pose. In this pose, the yogi has a firm foundation with her legs, and stretches her arms from her heart – one towards the Earth and the other towards the Sky. The foundation is strong, the heart is open, and the breath is in full support of the expression of the pose, all working together to create the union of masculine and feminine energies within the practitioner.

During these 1000 days, my Triangle pose became stronger and stronger, this marriage between heart and lungs more solid. I felt the clouds clear in my mind, my body, and my heart. As a result, my understanding of Walking in Beauty became clearer to me…

I always ask my clients in sessions and workshops to answer this question… What does it mean to you to walk in beauty?

For me it means: To allow your True Self to be seen, to be in balance and in flow, to be in harmony with nature, your Self, and your relationships, to be accepting of yourself and free from judgments, to be kind and compassionate, to offer your gifts in service to the world.

Here, as I am beginning my next Reclaiming Beauty journey, my heart is at ease. I feel fully prepared to offer my gifts in service to the world, gifts that come from my own deep, healing journey.

Last week, I celebrated my perfect marriage and took myself on a Self Honeymoon to Costa Rica! This week, the final details are being completed on the book cover and layout for the Reclaiming Beauty Journal and Wisdom Deck by Kudzu Branding in Black Mountain. By the end of the week, I will be placing an order for the first run of this offering! Very soon, I will be planning a party to celebrate the release of this project and YOU ARE ALL INVITED!

So, here I am, on the other side of my 1000 days. I am now invoking the archetype of The Fool, which in the Tarot is the symbol for New Beginnings, the first step on this next Reclaiming Beauty journey, where I offer the gifts of my journey with all who are open to receiving.

Thoth Tarot Ceck

Image: Thoth Tarot Deck

I am in deep gratitude to my family, friends and the community who has supported me on my Reclaiming Beauty journey. We are meant to be walking in community to find our way to our True Selves and our true meaning in this world. If you are feeling a call to your Reclaiming Beauty journey, please consider working with me. It would be my pleasure to serve as a guide on your journey. For more information on Reclaiming Beauty Counseling services, go to the Work With Me page.

I honor the beauty in you from the beauty in me.

Walk in Beauty,

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2 thoughts on “1000 Days to the Perfect Marriage

  1. Katie says:

    Beautiful, Heidi. Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t wait to see where the next 1000 days find you. xoxoxo

  2. Makgathi says:

    Heidi… Thank you.

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